Jolts of Perception

Video explaining why some people get paranoid when they're high. Great insight, but I disagree completely on the "you don't really know how you feel about yourself; you don't really know how you feel about life" part. Well, maybe that's true for some! Personally, being high makes me think of things that I'm well aware of but block out so I'm not constantly worried and stressing over it. I wouldn't be able to function always thinking those sorts of things. Also, I honestly find that people who think less are less likely to become paranoid after smoking... you know that saying about simple minds... right? Great video nonetheless. I was never able to put the whole "overwhelming of information" into words. Smoking prevents my thoughts from being processed individually so it becomes like a flood of worries.

Okay, I am a terrible blogger! I have drafts of entries I've saved but then decided to finish later... but then I don't finish them because I am no longer in that moment where I feel strongly about the topic. I obviously never finished blogging about Vegas...

Or that I bought a mattress for the first time ever! I move a lot so I never bothered to get one until now! I don't regret my decision because it would be such a pain in the ass to move.

Last night, I went to Max's Wine Dive with a really old friend that I haven't talked to in awhile. It's nice to have friends that speak their minds because even though Maia called me a bad friend, it's good to know these things. -____-;; I'll try to be better! Relevant to that topic, I get really annoyed when friends say they "hate" certain people behind their back and then act like they're all friends to their face! I get that it's to avoid conflict but it's a little too fake for me. Come on, we all agree that Jeff is an annoying rat. Why pretend?

My direct big (Leon) is celebrating his birthday tonight! But I also told Philla I would go out for her birthday....... I... ugh. I don't usually double-book, I swear! I just forgot because Philla told me early in the week.

I'll add pictures later!

Xiaxue the Cover Girl

Perfect! When Joanna picked John and I up from the Vegas airport, somehow I brought up Xiaxue and she asked, "What's your deal with her?" I don't think it could have been possible for me to explain without blabbing the ENTIRE car ride so I kept it to the essentials: most influential blogger in Singapore, and The Secret sells out in Singapore because of an entry she writes.

Luckily for me, Xiaxue wrote her own entry. About herself. Like always. Because she was featured in Lifestyle magazine. I skipped all of the top parts where she talks about other people because I don't care about them and went straight for the magazine scans.

Haters will always find reasons to harp about someone's flaws whether those flaws are real or not. I am not really an exception because I hate everyone. The difference?

Lots of haters (mostly girls) will call other girls ugly because they are jealous and insecure of their own looks. Look at the people who call Xiaxue ugly... do you think they look better than this?

An unedited picture, but I'm lazy so there are probably better ones.

I mean seriously, people call her ugly. They must feel like complete shit when they look at themselves in the mirror then.

I hate on people who are around my age, still live at home, don't have careers (who cares if you work at Starbucks), could never support themselves without help, do shitty in school, and STILL ACT LIKE THEY'RE COMPLETE BAD ASSES. On top of that, no other redeeming qualities are easily visible. The word for these people sounds a lot like "lame ass," (Lambdas, get it?? I'm hilarious, I know) too if you were wondering. Please y'all, that statement above is not all inclusive so don't get all butt hurt.

I completely idolize Xiaxue, but I also think that I am unbiased. I'm not from Singapore and much of what she writes about does not apply to me, but I've loved her since the first day I found her blog... that was in maybe February of 2012. I read her old entries when I was procrastinating and studying for the MCAT, and I didn't like them. Boring and immature (she was also 19? at the time though). I also don't agree with everything that she says, far from it, and I could care less about her advertorials and make up whatevers maybe because I live in Texas and can't acquire half the shit she talks about. Still, she is the only person I have ever admired in my entire life. I dreaded those questionnaires in school that asked, "Who do you look up to?" THE ANSWER IS NO ONE, so I had to lie.

I was starting to get bored of her advertorials and thinking how spoiled she is. After reading the Lifestyle piece, I changed my mind. Yes, she is spoiled and blogging is certainly an easier job than many, but she works for everything she has. She turns off the AC when she blogs to save electricity?? Would anyone in America even do that? I fucking wouldn't and I'm poor, too.

I feel very happy these days.

A friend whom I was close to in high school quoted Oscar Wild last night: "Youth is wasted on the young." He wrote a lengthy evaluation about how his best years are likely behind him and tagged all of us who were in the HS group we all hung out with. A couple of people responded... and it seemed like everyone (except me, lmao) was reminiscing about our inside jokes and the fun times we had. The collective thought was that they missed having a close group of friends, which is something they slowly lost and have not found again.

I feel... lucky. I have found such fulfilling friendships currently. And it would seem as though I am the sole member of the group who doesn't reflect back on high school and the friends I had positively. Certainly, there are those whose friendships I did truly value but mostly I resented a lot of my friends. The flakiness, the irresponsibility, and the immaturity. I hated how entitled everyone was and admittedly, I was jealous that I didn't have any mental, emotional, or financial support from my family. It was annoying that few of them had real hardships or problems to worry about.

I wonder if the forced maturity then has led to my regression (this is not an appropriate word to use, but I can't think of another) now. It is true that friendships drift and become fewer as a person moves on with "real life." Does that mean I'm not moving on with real life? I don't think so. I feel like I have accomplished just as much, if not more than most people my age and with the odds against me. Somehow, I've been rewarded with amazing friends who do support my endeavors. They are there despite how bitchy and mentally unstable I am. They return to drink with me even though I've lately been ending up in embarrassing tears. I can not even fathom how annoying this must be and I'm SURE that I wouldn't have the patience for this kind of thing myself... but I try to help by rarely revealing my true issues. It's one thing to cry but another to expect them to listen about your problems, right? Sometimes I muse that they secretly like the insanity though.

I don't know why I cry anymore. Obviously, there is something wrong with me that I hope time will fix because I truly love myself a lot. I fear I like myself too much sometimes. It's just hard for me to put things in the past and move on from being abused and treated unfairly. Maybe that's my biggest flaw, the inability to get over shit. I guess I do need to grow up.

I leave y'all with pictures of my favorite memory of this summer. <3 Enjoy my nipple.

BitCoins

My newest obsession... bitcoins!!! I woke up super early today because I couldn't stop dreaming about them. I don't even know what to think about this. So for the last few days, EVEN THOUGH I was supposed to be studying for MCATs, I've been arduously trying to collect bitcoins. The process is painstakingly long. Understatement.

Okay, so I've decided to whore out my blog. I think Melissa and I decided a week ago that people in the US generally don't read personal blogs, but if you like it, keep reading and send it to other people?? For each visit, I get paid in fractions of a bitcoin. I noticed that my site IS actually receiving hits, so I'll experiment a little. The amount I'm getting is basically negligible though so really I'm just doing this for fun (is this even the right word to use)?

Readers! Please refer to the below FAQ.

What are bitcoins?
Online currency!

Why do you want bitcoins?
Bitcoins can be used to make purchases online. Some vendors accept bitcoins and not USD.

So bitcoins are worth real money?
Compare bitcoins to Zoey. If you've ever tried to buy her from me, you may have noticed that I am extremely reluctant to part ways with her even when you are offering more than what she's worth. That and I seem to value them far more than everyone else. The analogy works in both ways. That being said, I'm not here to make money or eventually sell my bitcoins for money. Trust me when I say that my bitcoins will eventually benefit you in some way (if I know you in real life).

Can't you just buy bitcoins?
Yes, and I probably will do that eventually. Honestly... I give myself a week before I just say fuck it and buy them.

Why don't I want bitcoins?
I can literally not think of anyone I know PERSONALLY who would want to deal with bitcoins and the risk that can be associated with them.

Are you doing something illegal?
No.

How have you been getting bitcoins?
Pouring hours and hours into clicking on ads and signing up for sites that give you bitcoins, using various combinations of e-mails to get more. Interested in my progress? The hours I have spent on this have equated to POINT SIX BTC. Yup, .6 BTC.

If bitcoins are so hard to get, why are you wasting your time?
Because I like to waste my time and I have no friends.

Why should I help you?
I can see who hits my site. If I end up generating bitcoins from this site, you will be rewarded. I am aware that this is unlikely; the amount of hits needed would be outrageous. I guess for now, just think of it as investing a few seconds of your day. Just don't get all excited to get anything because the odds are I won't either.

How can I help?
Visit the site once a day! Send to people you know! Be sure to use this link: http://www.bitbin.it/BKNMKVnn

People are reading my blog! But I don't know whom... I had decided to continue blogging as something for me to look back on or just for Dallana to read while she is in Africa because I concluded that no one would actually read my entries. However, between yesterday and today, I've had 13 views! That could mean 13 people have viewed my blog... or one person visited my blog 13 times... Someone leave me comments, please! I don't mind if it's hate comments because I don't care if you disagree anyway! Maybe if I get a lot of readers, I will start posting my sexy nudies! Jk...?

Someone's extremely sexist status popped up on my FB feed yesterday. I'll call him Eddie because his name is Eddie and I don't feel I have to protect his anonymity. Apparently, Eddie feels that even in 2012, women should commit to their outdated gender roles to cook (presumably clean, sew, and garden as well) for their men. Yet, he is probably not in any financial position to marry and provide for his wife and future children. So while he can not fulfill his "duties" as a male, he requests that women still learn to cook to satisfy his needs. Eddie, if you still feel like it is 1970, please be a MAN instead of a whiny bitch that can support a wife so that maybe a wife can come along and cook for you without having to worry about money. Unfortunately for Eddie, he is quite ugly and has a fat face so no wife is likely to come along to cook for him any time soon. If you look at the below comments, somebody jokes, "Enjoy your meeting with HR tomorrow." This fat-faced fuck, Eddie, next comments (not shown) that HP does not have HR. Isn't it amazing that people as retarded as this can get a job??? Really, please explain to me how a company the size and caliber of Hewlett Packard does NOT have a human resources department. ATTENTION: HP, YOU HAVE HIRED A SEXIST MORON AND THIS IS THE KIND OF PERSON REPRESENTING YOUR COMPANY. Ladies, isn't fat-faced Eddie a catch? He even completes his insults with "make me a sandwich!"



I actually posted this question on Reddit asking men if they feel that it is a woman's job to cook. About 35 people responded and said no so congrats Eddie! Based on these results, you are more sexist than the community of a website widely known for their blatant misogyny. To be honest, sexism didn't used to bother me too much, but it is becoming increasingly more irritating as I believe that men are horrible bastards more and more... I guess I'm becoming sexist.

EDIT: And look how ugly... thank god the picture is in black and white and he is wearing sunglasses. It only means he is uglier in real life but we are blessed to not have to see it! And can you imagine?? The black and white is slimming down his face and yet STILL SO FUCKING FAT.

Mars Rover Curiosity

This morning, I witnessed scientific history in the making! NASA sent a rover to Mars to scope out the conditions for a human mission and possible colonization. The one TON rover landed at ~12.15am CT. I watched the landing live and managed to grab a screenshot of the first picture sent back to NASA from the Reconnaissance Orbiter. The picture is extra blurry, being the first picture and plus taken from the live streaming.



Not knowing whether or not the landing would be successful was definitely exciting. I'm positive that I'll live to see the human mission to Mars, and convinced that colonization is likely to happen in my lifetime of the conditions allow for it. What if we find liquid water?? Or better yet... aliens??? *them from X-Files plays* Somehow, I feel like Earth can't possibly sustain the human population for another hundred years...

So, the Mars landing has been overshadowed by the Olympics, which I frankly don't give a shit about. People are STILL posting about Chik-fil-A bullshit all over FB. Damn, you know, if you want to be ignorant, at least please stop posting screen shots of shit I already saw last week. How pathetic that people are much more concerned about chicken nuggets than the fact that WE (okay, the rover) FUCKING LANDED ON MARS. All the Christians should honestly be more excited to move to Mars because there aren't any gay people there yet.

Chik-fil-A

A couple of weeks ago, Dan Cathy, the president of CFA, announced that the company was against gay marriages (he probably said in some politically correct  BS terms such as "believes in traditional family values"). This shit BLEW UP and now everyone in America is obsessed with it. Some people wanted to boycott CFA, while the crazier Christians decided to actually meet up and rally at CFA. HAHHAHAHAAH!! Ridiculous, right?? Better hope no gay people worked at the restaurant you went to and defiled your chicken with their gay hands.

Anyway, I've seen posts all over the internet with people voicing their opinions on both sides. The following, grabbed from 4chan, is the most eloquently stated that I've come across.



I hate reading most peoples' opinions on the topic because generally, everyone sounds like a fucking idiot. This post caught my attention though for having that "hey, actually no one gives a fuck" air to it. And rightfully so.

If there's anything I learned this summer, it's that AMERICANS ARE FUCKING HYPOCRITES.

Christians: "Oreo supports equality? We better fucking boycott them!!"
                 Christians then get mocked and ridiculed by everyone else.
Homosexuals: "OMG Chik-fil-A is against gay marriage? Let's boycott them!"

...Okay, does anyone else see just how fucking ridiculous and hypocritical this all is? I really tried to avoid wordiness in my example because I trust people can just draw the same conclusion without explanation. It's just so damn obvious that people are being fucking stupid. How are you going to make fun of a group of people for boycotting and then turn around and do the same thing? Not to mention that...

Boycotting could not possibly work in this day and age, you fucking morons! Companies nowadays likely own SEVERAL brands that you would have to give up, too. Wanna give up oreos? Try giving up all products made by Kraft then, since Oreos are owned by Kraft Foods. And holy shit... Do they ever own a  FUCKLOAD of brands. I realize that CFA doesn't apply in this example... but still. I personally know of no one who is going to stop eating CFA, and that includes my gay friends.

I love America and all, but Americans are seriously embarrassing. We are constantly trying to infringe on others' rights just because they don't align with our own beliefs. "Will same-sex marriage or abortion personally affect me? No, but I don't believe in it, so I better make sure that shit doesn't happen!" I personally support marriage equality, but I'm still going to eat Chik-fil-A. Ironically, I've been bitching about CFA and how people should STFU about it... but then I went ahead and wrote a blog entry about it (hypocrite much?). I really just wanted to share that 4chan screen cap. Besides, this is why politics is so damn boring most of the time. No matter what arguments are made, no one is ever going to be able to change anyone else's mind.

Why the hell not

Okay so, a couple of months ago, I discovered Xiaxue's blog which is late because she's been blogging for almost a decade now. For anyone who doesn't know, she is a famous blogger who lives in Singapore whom is both loved and hated for her bitchiness. She is SUPER BEAUTIFUL and I really envy her. Anyone who knows me knows I rarely envy anyone; in fact, I can't even think of another person.

But I thought, if she can get famous blogging, why can't I? Okay, I kind of know I can't. Being bitchy is only a small facet of her blog, and she does make up and advertorials as well. I'm just saying though, a big part of her appeal is her bitchiness. When I read her entries, I can totally relate to the things she thinks so now I kind of wish I had kept blogging when I was young because she honestly sounds a lot like me. A lot of factors play into her success though; she is gorgeous and she lives in Asia where it is not so accepted for her to be so brusque. In America, I can definitely say fuck this and fuck that and nobody will give two fucks about it. I actually laugh when people complain about how vulgar she is. Please!

I guess I'm just bored because I'm supposed to be studying for my MCAT so I keep finding new ways to waste time. Trick myself into thinking that I'm blogging because I want to attain fame... but really it is to procrastinate. If anything, I can look back on this when I'm older... like a time capsule??